Often times when people find out that I’ve never had a boyfriend, they think it’s because my standards are too high. The truth is my standards are higher than that of most of my generational peers’. But let’s not mistake faithfulness, trust, and respect for “high standards”. That’s just human decency. Which, as it turns out, is pretty attractive. But before you can decide what your standards are, you have to know your worth. The quote, “we accept the love we think we deserve” really says it all. Now, not to sound conceded, but I KNOW I deserve more than 2 a.m. text messages reading, “wanna come over?” I mean… if he can’t even make the effort to use proper English, he sure as H-E-double hockey sticks does not deserve my presence. So ladies who are reading this, if you take one thing away from this blog please let it be: KNOW. YOUR. WORTH. Know it. Own it. And don’t let anyone diminish it.
Once you know your worth, the rest is just timing. Wait, don’t waste. Wait for the right person instead of wasting your time on the wrong ones. Now, I’m not saying don’t date anyone unless he’s your true love. You’re not going to know if he is unless you do. But don’t date someone you don’t see the potential of a lasting future with. Date someone with the intent of POSSIBLY marrying them. If you don’t even see that as a possibility, don’t waste your time. Don’t date someone because you’re bored. Don’t date because you’re lonely. Don’t date because you’re “going through a phase”. Date someone because you feel they could possibly be someone you’d want to spend your one life with.
Now, you’re probably going to date people who you don’t end up marrying and that’s okay. Sometimes you have to date those people to learn about yourself. It’s not that he isn’t Mr. Right, it’s more like he was Mr. Right for that time in your life. Meaning that he was the one you were supposed to spend those 2 years with so that you could become the person that your true love is supposed to meet a year from now. Does that make sense? I hope so.
You see, I feel my generation has single-handedly ruined courtship. So, being the old soul that I am, I feel obligated to remind everyone what courtship is. Or rather what it is not. Courtship is not: texting the girl you are taking out that you are “here” and wait in your car for her to come out. Get your ass up out of that car and go knock on her door! And after she comes out you better walk around and open that car door for her too. Courtship is not: asking the girl you’re seeing to only hangout at 10 p.m. with the hopes that she’ll stay the night. (Turn to: How to be a Douche Bag 101 for further information). Courtship is not: asking how many guys she has slept with on your first date. Or second. And probably not third. Instead, ask about her family, friends, dreams, hobbies, favorite memories, pet peeves, etc. I could really go on, but this blog entry is already long enough and I haven’t even gotten to the main part yet.
So here it is! A brief look at a very long list that are signs he’s not the one for you:
If he doesn’t have time for you, he’s not the one.
- If he can’t make time for you in the “talking” stage of your relationship, he won’t make time for you in the dating stage.
If he makes you feel like an option, he’s not the one.
- Never be with someone who makes you feel like you are not the only girl he is giving his attention and affection to.
If he does not bring out the best in you, he’s not the one.
- The right guy will bring out the good in you that you didn’t even know existed.
If he doesn’t want to hangout with your family and friends, he’s not the one.
- The right guy will want to be around the people who are most dear to you and who have made you into the woman you are.
If he doesn’t have deep meaningful conversations with you, he’s not the one.
- Intimacy is more than just a physical connection. Be with the guy who knows and values this.
If he is not the first person you want to go to after a bad day, he’s not the one.
- Seek the person who can give you comfort when you are at your lowest.
If he’s not the first person you want to tell good news to, he’s not the one.
- You should want to share the best parts of your life with this person.
If he does not want to introduce you to his friends and family, he’s not the one.
- The right guy will not only want to show you off, but will also want to share that part of his life with you.
If he does not want to commit, he’s not the one.
- After 2-3 months of going on dates and getting to know each other, he should know if he sees a future with you. If he doesn’t want to commit, he is just leaving his options open. Do yourself a favor and remove yourself as one of the options.
If you feel the need to make excuses for him, he’s not the one.
- Making excuses for him is our way of ignoring the red flags. DO NOT ignore these flags.
If he does not build you up, he’s not the one.
- Your partner should be your biggest support system. There is a whole world of people out there to tear you down and make you feel less than you are. Your life partner should not be one of them.
If you don’t enjoy doing the little things with him, he’s not the one.
- Your whole life together will be spent doing the little things (i.e. grocery shopping, cooking, watching tv, taking the kids to soccer practice). The best friendships/relationships are when you can be with the person doing absolutely nothing and still have the best time.
If he plays games, he’s not the one.
- The mere thought of losing you should undo him. There’s no time for games. If he wants to talk to you, he will. If he wants to see you, he will. It’s simple.
If it is not earth-shattering, soul igniting, passionate love, he’s not the one.
- There are a lot of mediocre things in this world, your love for him should not be one.
There are plenty more to this list, but I will leave you with 2 quotes I think are important:
“Find someone who will help you love yourself.”
“A person you can tell your whole life to is a person worth spending a life with.”