For the last several years of my life I have been asked one question over and over: why don’t you have a boyfriend? It is not because I am a lesbian. It is not because I am cold hearted. It is not because I am not interested. It is because I am growing up in a generation that no longer values or respects love.
Last night I went out to a bar and guys kept asking to dance with me and I told them I don’t dance with guys. They looked at me like I just said “I’m an alien”. I’m sorry I don’t want some guy I don’t even know rubbing all over my backside and I don’t want to dance seductively on a guy whose name I barely heard and who is 4 drinks in for the night. How did this become the norm?! What ever happened to courtship? Ya know how I get asked out on dates? I get a message in my inbox on social media accounts.
What happened to waiting more than 3 dates before having sex? What happened to dating someone because you saw the potential of having a future with them? What happened to getting to know someone before saying ‘I love you’? What happened to talking on the phone until 3 am? What happened to walking a girl to her door without the expectation of being invited in? What happened to hand holding instead of butt grabbing? What happened to being faithful in a relationship? What happened to slow dancing instead of grinding? What happened to romance? How did we get to a place where cheating is the norm and drunk makeouts are first dates?
I’m not sorry that I want something deeper. I don’t want surface level relationships. I don’t want to date someone that I know isn’t going to be my husband someday. I don’t want to be in the “talking” stage for 3 months only to have a guy decide he doesn’t want to commit. I want butterflies when a guy reaches for my hand. I want roses because it’s Wednesday. I want good morning and goodnight texts. I want conversations about the afterlife and religion and the universe. I want picnics and mini golf dates. I want love letters and 4 hour phone calls. I want to be called ravishing and compassionate. I want to stop being asked why it is I don’t have a boyfriend. The truth is, I haven’t met anyone who values me enough to have my heart and I haven’t met a man who adds to my life in a way that no one else can. I’m 23. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I am a virgin and that is okay. This generation needs to understand that being alone is better than being with the wrong person. Let’s make romance and commitment cool again!
“Intimacy is not who you let touch you. Intimacy is who you text at 3 am about your dreams and fears. Intimacy is giving someone your attention when 10 other people are asking for it. Intimacy is the person always in the back of your mind, no matter how distracted you are.”